I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
