We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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