i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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