I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
