Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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