omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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