There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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