Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
