True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
