i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
