They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
