i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
