my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
