She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
