every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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