Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
