so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
