Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
