Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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