Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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