and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
