Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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