wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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