I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
where are my eyebrows?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
