Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
