I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're a waste of cheezeits
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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