Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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