i'm lost and i look like a hooker
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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