I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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