my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it's like heaven, but drunker
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
