Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
