I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
