I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
