What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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