I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
