the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
