The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
