That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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