i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
