I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize