you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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