It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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