This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
