Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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