he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
