You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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