As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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