am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
