Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
