Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
