Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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