Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
