someone threw a dead crab at me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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