you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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