I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
