I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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