She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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