I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
