Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
