you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
