I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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