is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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