I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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