My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
