last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
