i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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