i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
