i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
