So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
