Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
