I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
