Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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