cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
