I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
