went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Less talking, more tequila
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
