you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
