I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
